Welcome to Brianna's Page

Welcome to Brianna's Page

Friday, August 20, 2010

A whole lot of pictures! The precious moments...




Friday afternoon we decided to take a trip to the local park for a little. Our visits to the parks are rare... and Brianna just loved it! Tomorrow is my companies picnic, I believe only Hailey and I will attend since Hailey has had such a blast the last 3 years I think I should take her along again. I have been debating weather or not to take Brie with me... I keep fighting between yes and no.... and most of the time no wins. The reasons are so hard to put into words I am in a bitter stage of this whole "special needs" thing and lately I cannot control how much I compare Brianna to every child I see or hear about. The first company picnic I attended 4 years ago Brie wasnt born the second I was pregnant with her and the third one (last Aug2009) I did take her. It seemed like there was constantly too many eyes on her. Not the typical "awww that baby is so cute I wanna pinch her cheeks way" that people would look at your typical 1 year old (almost 2 year old) but in a "poor thing" type of way... I know it because I heard it and I can read peoples stupid puppy looks. She wasnt walking last year so she was in her stroller while she was gtube fed or carried by us while not eating. I was asked several times by coworkers if they could feed her and I had to explain to each one why not (gtube) and they all told me how sorry they were asked if she would ever be able to eat "normal"... well I felt like telling them my daughter is nothing to be sorry over that she is an inspiration and I felt like telling them only God knows what her futuer holds for her but of course I wasnt going to explain it to each single person. Recently being at a family baby shower I learned that I am in a very fragile state/stage of processing it all. I am at the stage where I cannot and do not want to look at other children because I cannot help but compare. I see children around 1 year old talking away and almost double Briannas height and I get a few stabbs to the chest... I feel envious jelous mad sad and all of the above... I know I should never compare my child to anyone not even other children with ACC but at this stage I simply cannot help it. It hurts to see a child screaming at the top of their lungs with their healthy normal lungs... and then watch my daughter cry and turn purple because of her chronic lung issues. It hurts... it always has but sometimes it crawls up underneath my skin and eats me up and I cannot help it. Tomorrow, I know there will be plenty of little ones (which I must add I adore and adore most of the moms) BUT I will not and do not want to see them next to Brianna I do not want to hurt myself when I can avoid it. I do not want to see a 1 1/2 year old who is a foot taller than Brianna and about double the weight as Brianna when Brianna is going to be 3 next year, I just dont want to do it tomorrow I cant I dont want to. I do not want to be asked time after time how old she is and get the stupid blank stare like "what the heck" when I say shes almost three when shes half the size of their 12 month olds. I just dont want to see all the kids engage in the games eat the goodies while my daughter reaches and screams for a taste I just cant do it. call me selfish get mad at me... but I am in an extreamly sensitive and fragile stage. No one there (other than my sisters *my oldest sis Mayra works there also so she will be there and is taking our two youngest sisters* and a very few selected individuals) will appreciate and see my daughter for who she is... and actually look at her like an inspiration as a human being... I know they will stare at her with pitty like aww poor thing and then indulge in eachothers beautiful perfect healthy infants. So I say no thanks I pass. Brie and daddy will chill at home and be lazy while Hailey and I attend. So okay I admit that is why I took Brianna to the park today too, becaue I feel guilty and stupid for not taking her tomorrow but I know it will save me from pain and saddness and tears. So here are some pics of our Friday evening, enjoy! Thanks for following (gee did that make any sense?)


Brie loved the swing!







Hailey had a blast too!







They are some active little Princesses :)















I caught some perfect "SISTERLY LOVE* pictures









GOD I LOVE THESE GIRLS















Check out the static on Briannas hair when she is slidding of the slide LOL









OH I love these girls...









OH WHAT FUN WE HAD







Angelic little girl





Monkey Girl













Monday, August 16, 2010

Doing our best at "normal" family time. Disneyland + Disney CA Adventure (for the 20th time)!

April 17th 2010 My husband and I had a sudden thought of "lets go to Disneyland"! We had not been in ages and our girls had never been. Shame on us we live in the city were Disneland is located ANAHEIM CA! LOL it was meant to be we got up got dressed and surprised our girls with Disneyland. ( I will post pictures soon of previous adventures to Disney ). When we arrived at the payment booth I saw that they are now doing payment options for California residents... for a magical year! Disneyland any day whenever we want?... well almost I got our family the 2nd best annual passes we got the Delux passes which has a few block out days a month (mainly saturdays but who needs saturdays when you have sundays lol). Well I got my hubber, Hailey and I an annual pass (Brie still being two is Mickeys guest). I will admit when she turns 3 next month I will not let Disney know!!! She will be two if they ask lol she is petit they will never know I am not paying $300 for an annual pass for my little one who is afraid of more than half of the rides... gotta admit she loves LOVES a few! Well Since April 17 2010 we have gone to Disneyland 20 times! Can you believe that! I decided this would be my family and my "get away, a piece and sense of normallacy!" Here we (dad and I) can be kids, Hailey can act like a fearless teenager on Spacemountain and Tower of Terror adn Brianna can act like a "typical" child riding the carousel and Dumbo ride :) so Disney and Disney CA adventure is a piece of normal for us. (Well sorta when Brie doesnt freak out a passer by at the Paradise Pier because she is having an ALTE spell because of the heat (she turns completely purple in the face stops breathing and faints) the poor guy almost fainted I swear to you! Here is a bit of our weekend fun! Hope you are all doing well. XXX thanks for following.



Thank God for Disneylands FIRST AID center. And thanks to a friend from the ACC Listserv (Lisa, Ella's mommy) who told me about it! We do Brianna's gtube feeds here they give us our own "doctors office patient room" with HOT water to flush the bag and tubes, a bed to lay her on to change her diaper, and AIR CONDITIONER!



Brianna was too excited to leave the house that she asked for my hand to step out of the door way this time.



Brianna being a silly goof ball on the rocks next to the Pinocchio ride while we waited for Daddy and Hailey to ride!



Brianna really having fun on the rocks, this little stunt master wanted to jump off of them! lol



Mommy and Hailey on the Mickey Mouse Fariswheel (pardon the face and hair it was HOT and I dont do my make up on weekends or any day really that much anymore LOL)



Princess Hailey by the pond (mommas rest spot) this girl has TOO MUCH energy!



Brianna on the Rocket ride for the first time... she wasnt a fan it was too windy!



My three lovers! Brianna, The Hubby and Haiely on the carousel!



Miss Hailey on the Rocket Ride she LOVES it!



Brie Brie girl on the Rocket ride with Mr Daddy



Super Daddy and Super Hailey on the wiggly swings (These things scare the living poop out of me!) It was a real fight between the hubby and I to allow Hailey on them.



Daddys girl with her daddy on the Mickey Fariswheel
(I gotta add she was a real cranky moddy crabby baby on this day in this ride which she usually loves!)



Brianna didnt want to walk after all so she sat, and sat, outside the door waiting for me to carry her! Lazy butt!



More sitting... she won! I carried her lol.



Brianna in the dreadful (to her) rocket ship ride !


Thanks for following us, have a blessed and awesome week!